Navigating Home to My heart

My story began in Taiwan, a new-born baby whose life’s journey would span across three continents; a journey that was so difficult but ultimately life-affirming

Having lived in the Far East and Africa, for nearly twenty years now I have lived in the UK. I also have strong connections to Scandinavia. I embody a unique blend of Oriental, African and Western femininity.

I was first trained as an artist and majored in Ceramics, at the University of Kwa-Zulu Natal, South Africa. I have three degrees including a master’s degree and gained a Cum Laude in honour’s. I integrate my artistic creativity and weave in all my understanding and experiences into my practice. 

Although I graduated as MA, before I changed to Fine Art I first studied Sciences. I intended to become a marine biologist as I had a lifelong fascination and deep connections with whales.  When I was a very little girl, mysterious, unknown and beautiful creatures came into my dreams. I found out years later, watching a television programme, that they were whales.

My story began in Taiwan, a new-born baby whose life’s journey would span across three continents; a journey that was so difficult but ultimately life-affirming.

When I was a new-born, I was passed on to different women to be looked after. Every morning I was returned to my mother. I cried throughout the night. As a result, I developed many physical, mental and emotional related conditions in addition to inherited autism.

Despite growing up in what seemed like a good family, I faced addiction, abandonment, abduction, abuse, sexual harassment, self-harm, racial discrimination, being stalked, psychological manipulation and control. I was also deeply affected by a number of relocations to different continents. Everything new was exciting but never lasted long. I became sad and developed minor agoraphobia

I am a daughter of China and Taiwan. I spent my formative years in South Africa. was born a Fire Dragon and radiate living with passion yet was given the quality of being serene – the meaning of my birth name.

I am a micro-universe of paradox, contradictions and polarity

I lived in a paradox. One the one hand, women were treated equally and provided opportunities in education, career and choices. On the other, I hailed from a lineage where old, traditional belief systems dictate women’s roles without granting them any choices. I am descended from strong women, women with power and women who were repressed; women in higher education and women who were illiterate - yet well-educated for their female duties.

Following some terrifying experiences during my teenage years in South Africa, I cut the cord to my spiritual connections, leading to emotional detachment and disconnection.

Throughout my life, I accumulated more health problems from unsolved trauma, including eating disorders, digestive and menstrual issues, food sensitivities, chronic pains, anxiety, and varied mental conditions. Childhood relationships affected adulthood relationships.

I had long term digestive issues and eating disorders. I have always been a lover of food so my kind of eating disorder is slightly different than others. When I experienced distress it affected my body by putting up a protective mechanism. It shut my body down. I would be hungry but the appetite was not there. I could not eat because I didn’t want to eat; I lost ‘appetite’ and it was an emotional appetite for life I had lost. My body was rejection food.

There were also times that I felt the whole world was in turmoil. The only thing I could grab hold of in the midst of chaos was controlling eating

I am a ‘high functioning’ person of multiple conditions. This is not easily detected because we know how to conceal ourselves well and we are achievers, therefore our traits are subtle.

The digestive issues have accompanied me through childhood into teenage years, adulthood and to middle age. It began with extreme spasmodic pain and indigestion in my stomach. I remembered when I was processing certain major issues as a young woman, I’d wake up every single day with a painful and bloated stomach. The issues with food later aggravated into food sensitivities. I have a few categories of food that I cannot eat which covered most of the food in the western diet. Upon discovery, I returned to cooking from scratch, meals that were wheat, dairy (cow’s milk products), caffeine and alcohol free. As this was during my saving-animal-time, when I was obsessed with protecting animals and wanted to be free of guilt, I was determined to be vegetarian or vegan. This further complicated the situation as my genes (blood group diet) do not allow me to flourish under such a strict diet and I was at risk of malnutrition and slowly killing myself.

I was under a lot of pressure with important decisions to make. I had to accept that the need to eat animal-based food is in my genetic make-up, who I am. Acceptance meant I could move forward.

Reading about food and our bodies, understanding the interaction of benefits and harms and allowing myself to be compassionate to ‘me’, helped with the destructive eating patterns. As I dived deeper into self-love, things begin to unfold.

A troubled young woman, I recognised I needed help. I delved into well-known healing methods, yet my sense of disempowerment stayed. Yearning for warmth and wisdom, I learnt invaluable Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) skills from my psychologist and the grounding solace of yoga.

More than two decades later, in rural England, I spent months in nature, nurturing and nourishing myself with delicious homemade food, made with love. In one dark and cold wintry night, I faced the choice between regression or surrender. I gave myself to the Divine. I knelt down and, surrounded by her ancient, loving wisdom, I began to heal my wounds.

Through training and healing sessions, I uncovered the intricate links between my physical condition and the spectrum of afflictions I had suffered from for so long.

So this was my journey of metamorphosis

I emerged reborn from the ashes of the phoenix, my soul twin sister - a fire-dragon. Retrieving my fragments, I wove them into my tapestry, returned all parts as a whole to home, to my heart.

My journey was unusually long. It’s uniquely mine. But now you have met me, what of your journey? It will be very different from mine; perhaps not so lengthy, but certainly deep, rich and ultimately rewarding.

~ Leigh-Lin Shao